Why am I depressed?

I had a great time in Utah and that part is coming up as soon as I unload the pictures, but I left feeling really depressed. It has taken a little time to sort it out but I think I have, at least parts of it, figured out.

I love the gospel, I have felt it change my life, I feel the Holy Ghost direct my path and I see the blessings from God in the little things that happen in my life. As I have gone through tough times, I have felt literally cradled in the palm of His hand. When I am in California, I spend most of my time with people who know nothing about the restoration of the gospel and so when I run into someone who feels this way about the gospel. I feel like it is a special moment. For everyone else I want to share it with them.

In Utah I felt like I was having the same experience, occasionally running into someone who was an active, believing member of the church. But instead of being in a sea of people who don't know about the restoration, I felt like I was in a sea of people, who do know that the church exists and should know the blessings that come from living the gospel and that made me really sad. Some who go through the motions because they feel it is the expectation of their culture, or maybe the parents did that and now the kids have no idea what the living the gospel is really like. Never taping into the power and peace that comes from really trying to live the gospel. I was sad to hear people I love justify their inactivity with the hypocrisy of others. They complain about this or that but all I could hear in those words was the pride of all the ways they wanted to the Lord to conform to them. It broke my heart.

I feel the sadness of Mormon when he says "O ye fair ones, how could ye have departed from the ways of the Lord! O ye fair ones, how could ye have rejected that Jesus , who stood with open arms to receive you!"

I know I made a blanket judgement of my Utah experience. I am sure there are plenty of faithful parents who taught their children there and maybe their children have rejected the gospel. It just makes me so sad to see that in one generation, a family can go from sacrificing everything for the true gospel to not knowing anything about the gospel at all except it is something old fashioned that their grandma does. In everything the world has to give, it is an understanding of the gospel and a true testimony that I want my boys to have. It is the greatest gift here on earth. I know their agency is in play and it took me long enough to understand that I can't control that. I pray everyday that they will have the experiences to touch their hearts, to give them the desire to truly live the gospel. This is the only way they can truly have peace and contentment in this life. I certainly don't want to be that grandma....I want me to be the generation of this family, whose conversion changed the course of it.