Dinner with Greg - Introspection

I didn't take a picture...he wasn't in the mood and my phone battery is still in the process of getting replaced, but it was a gloomy day and we both could use the lift so I came home early from work and we went for sushi.  Yum.  Then we had tempura ice cream...I am now a fan, but given the ever increasing waistline that is probably not a good discovery.

Over this last week I finished re-reading Leadership and Self Deception.  It was a book Greg recommended to me a few years ago.  It is a great book.  It is the kind of book that you have to re-read again and again to remind yourself how you should be toward others instead of how you are.  Given how I felt and sometimes behaved on my last project I knew I needed a refresher.

I tried at dinner to express to Greg how grateful I am for him and how amazing he is.  I think he is such a sweet, kind, and wonderful person; even when he is wearing the cloud. I don't think he believes me when I try to share that and I can't seem to find the words to really explain what I mean so I am trying to capture it here.

I am so much better because of him.  It is the love I have for him that made me willing to see myself how I was and work on changing.  I don't think I was willing or even knew how to change if not for him.  It was only because of my love for him that I was willing to go places I was always too afraid to go before.  I am so far from perfect and I feel like he may always see me through the original lens, but I had a whole host of unrealistic fears for him, for me, and everyone else in my life too, that I confronted and it changed me forever and my lens towards them.  The fear has been replaced with peace.  I still feel the fear creeping back but I generally catch it before it takes over. I hope they can feel that my love is unconditional in a way that they could not have felt back then because of the fear.  I remember feeling so baffled when that was called out about me.  I guess that is why self diagnosis isn't very good; that would have been the last thing I would have called what I was doing, but that is what it was: FEAR. 

All these years later I can say that nothting has changed if you look at my life (same people, same place, same socioeconomic status,) but everything has changed.  I love my life and I am grateful for it all and grateful that my precious boy, Gregory, took me there.